


with all my thoughts and all my faults

by AgentMaryMargaretSkitz



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Episode: s04e01 The Virgin Gary, Episode: s04e16 Hey World!, Episode: s05e06 Mortal Khanbat, Episode: s05e12 Freaks and Greeks, Fluff, Mushrooms, Post-Episode: s03e15 Necromancing the Stone, Temporary Character Death, Unicorns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:02:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24296290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentMaryMargaretSkitz/pseuds/AgentMaryMargaretSkitz
Summary: Ever since John Constantine met Gary Green, they've had their moments. Big or small, they're still moments.And moments matter.
Relationships: John Constantine/Gary Green
Comments: 7
Kudos: 50





	with all my thoughts and all my faults

**Author's Note:**

  * For [harleygirl2648](https://archiveofourown.org/users/harleygirl2648/gifts).



> Happy birthday to my birthday buddy! I had to do some Constangreen fluff after last night came and stabbed us all in the back. I hope this works as a balm for some of the things that went down last night because that stuff hurt a lot (even if we did get Gideon and Gary). I went around and tried to pick major moments for Constangreen and then write a little something after these moments happened. Hopefully it's not too confusing.
> 
> Seriously though, you are amazing. I love creating all kinds of stuff with you and getting angsty about soft characters. All the things we've built, from Atomwave Hannibal to the Vandad verse, are amazing works of art. You are incredibly brilliant and I am honored to share my birthday with you, Ted Allen, Cher, and Dolly Madison.
> 
> Title from I of the Storm by Of Monsters and Men. There is an insane amount of fluff in this, FYI.

1.

It started out as drinks at first. A beer and a shot of whiskey each at Gary’s apartment as thanks for helping him and Ava get to the Waverider. John was never one to turn down free alcohol when it was offered. Besides, Gary seemed to be a pretty decent guy. A little naïve and shy, but he was brilliant thinking up that plan to track down Sara. It was also a bonus that he happened to be cute in an attractive, office drone sort of way.

Then came the knock at the door, and Gary nearly spit out his beer. “Oh jeez!”

“Expecting a guest?” John inquired, ready to cut and run down the fire escape if necessary. It wouldn’t be his first time.

“Uh, guests actually,” Gary coughed, pulling his Bureau pin off his jacket and shoving it in a drawer. “I agreed to host my D&D group here tonight. I totally forgot to get everything set up. Ava called me in to help find the Waverider and then we ended up at your place and then I asked about the beer and now I’m screwed.”

He looked like he was about to start hyperventilating, but John stood up and placed his hands on his shoulders. Slowly, Gary’s breathing start to slow down as a second knock came on the door.

“You with me, squire?” John asked.

Gary nodded.

“I can help you set up what you need. Hell, I’ll even stick around.”

The Time Bureau agent looked at him with his big brown eyes. “You’d stay? I mean, you don’t have to. And there’s no need for you to help set up. I should have done that after work before Ava called me back in.”

John chuckled. “I don’t mind staying if you’ll have me. I’ve always been curious about the game.”

That set Gary off blushing. “I’m happy to show you the ropes. And I have a spare set of dice you can use for tonight.”

“Sounds like a date. Go get the door for your friends, I’ll start getting things set up.”

Gary nodded, stumbling as he hurried over to the door to let his guests in. John found a bunch of candles stashed in a cabinet and started to light them while Gary apologized for not being ready and that they’d have another player joining them tonight. Thankfully, his group seemed to be pretty forgiving and accommodating to him. If anything, they seemed happy to have another person around in their little circle of nerds.

After deciding on his character and rolling the dice for his stats, John started to pick up on the game quick. It also helped that Gary and the other members of the group were happy to explain things along the way. During the game, John played a few parlor tricks with the group. A breeze too cool to be the air conditioning. A creaking noise above them. Something hitting the window just before the party faced something menacing. They all ate it up while Gary shared a knowing smile with him.

Within a few hours, they’d reached a stopping point in the campaign. Gary’s guests said their goodbyes and left. John stayed to tidy the mess with Gary. At some point, their hands brushed together while grabbing for the same pillow and all thoughts of cleaning up fell away. Gary moved first this time, pressing his lips against John’s. John didn’t make any move to stop him or himself from letting hands roam to pull off their coats (or cloak in Gary’s case) as they stumbled towards Gary’s bedroom.

The next morning, John woke up with his head resting in Gary’s shoulder. He could have run like he had done so many times to so many different lovers. This time, he didn’t.

* * *

2.

A unicorn bit his nipple off.

Gary was still shaken from everything that had gone down in the past couple hours. He had expected another mundane day at the Time Bureau filled with filing and longing for the weekend to go work with John. Instead, John had strolled in and found him, Sara on his heels. They’d asked him to come help with a mission to lure out a unicorn. Apparently, unicorns really were drawn to virgins, which he did not realize he still was.

He also didn’t realize that unicorns were not the happy creatures that were painted in children’s fairytales. This one was a monstrous, terrifying beasts who looked ready to gobble him up. Gary had nearly been dragged though John’s portal to Hell with it before the Legends pulled him back in time. But it didn’t stop the unicorn from taking a piece of him with it. He didn’t even realize it until it was pointed out to him and shock gave way to pain.

But John had been there, an arm around his shoulder. He had told Gary that his soul was heading there, that his nipple had just beaten it there first. Together, they walked back to the Waverider and to the med bay. Gideon probably could have healed the bleeding patch of skin where his nipple had once been, except John didn’t let her. He got out some supplies from a drawer after some rummaging and patched Gary up himself.

“It’s the least I can do,” John told him, taping the gauze pad over the wound. “You were great out there, squire.”

Gary smiled. “That might have been the most terrifying moment of my life.”

“And here I thought that was when you faced the dragon.”

“I nearly didn’t get dragged to Hell by a dragon.”

It came out worse than he meant it, but John still froze, a second piece of tape dangling from his finger.

Gary gulped. “That…didn’t come out right.”

John shook his head. “No, you’re right. I set you up and I could have lost you. But I would never let you be dragged down to Hell, okay? I can’t…”

He trailed off and Gary knew he was lost in some broken memory of where that had happened. Reaching out, he took the piece of tape and put it on the other end of the gauze pad. Then he shrugged on his shirt and climbed off the seat. John didn’t even get a chance to protest before Gary wrapped his arms around him.

“Gary-”

“You don’t have to say anything,” he told him.

Something felt wet on his shoulder. John’s arms shifted to hug him back after a few more moments. Together, they stood just like that. Just taking comfort in the other being there right now. As soon as they let go, it would be over. Gary wasn’t sure he wanted to let go and John’s fingers digging into his shoulder blades made him wonder if he felt the same.

“I don’t want to ruin you, Gary,” he whispered in his ear. “I don’t want to break you.”

Gary wasn’t sure how to respond to that. How could you tell someone who made you whole that you’d already been broken?

* * *

3.

Neron was gone, Ray was back, and the world have been saved through James Taylor. John felt for the first time like he could breath in months. For so long, he had been running from the demon, dragging the Legends into his fight and hurting them along the way. Now it was time to go back to the pattern he’d fallen in before this particular strain of madness. A travelling exorcist, wandering from place to place to offer his services.

Gary had found him sulking in the library about leaving the Legends behind and joined him. He had come to apologize properly to him for his role in everything. John listened to every word the Time Bureau agent told him and saw that he truly regretted what he’d done. So much rejection and disregard had broken him, and John knew he had been the straw to break the camel’s back. It was exactly the thing he feared of doing, why he’d broken things off before it happened. Yet he had been the very reason it came to pass.

“I told you I didn’t want to ruin you,” John murmured once Gary had finished his long apology. “I’m sorry I broke you.”

Gary shook his head. “I was already broken long before you, Conny.”

Despite the heavy words, the nickname brought a smile to John’s face. They spent the rest of the night, talking about everything and nothing. Gary admitted he didn’t know how to break his connection with Nora, that it wasn’t fair she was bound to him. John had told him Nora needed to fulfill his greatest desire and she would be released.

“It wouldn’t be fair though. I want to be close to you, but that’s not right.”

“You’re talking to the man who’s found more loopholes than he’s cared to count. What if…you became my apprentice?”

“Apprentice?”

“Wish for that. You told me once you wanted to learn magic. I can teach you and you get to be close to me.”

_“Decided if I’m really worth your time once and for all,”_ echoed in his head as Gary’s face broke out into a smile.

The wish was made a few days later, and Nora made Gary his apprentice. John offered to find a way to release her from the curse she’d become trapped it, but she refused because she’d grown to love working with children. She encouraged him to just go and make sure to not break Gary’s heart again. So John brought Gary with him on his travels and taught him the art of magic. Gary had the knowledge, but his execution needed the most work.

They had their fights and squabbles but made up in the end. Together, they traveled around the country, saving people from demons and other nasty things. At one point, they took a day to go scavenge for mushrooms that could be used for different spells in a forest. Gary had made the same mistake John had when he was first learning about the collection process. Both had inhaled the spores and started feeling fuzzy and warm before their minds stopped processing what had happened.

When John came to, the sun was setting, Gary was waking up on his chest, and both were wearing significantly less clothing than they had before inhaling the spores.

“I’m sorry about that,” Gary apologized as they started picking up their clothing. “I really screwed that up.”

“Eh, not the worst way I’ve woken up,” John said as he threw on Gary’s shirt while Gary wrapped himself up in his trench coat.

If anything, it was in the top five best ways he had woken up.

* * *

4.

The moment Gary realized that John had drunk poison on purpose nearly made his heart stop. In the hours since John had collapsed and Gideon had given the terminal diagnosis, Gary had felt the clock hanging above both their heads. He remembered the months leading up to losing his mother, an incredible burden on such a small child. But knowing he barely had a day with John felt worse because there was so little time.

He’d done everything that he could. They’d tried Gideon and spells and Nora, but nothing had been successful. John kept on coughing up blood and becoming even more sickly. Gary had wanted to save him and fought to do it, but John had snapped at him and Ray. He drowned his sorrows in wine, hoping that it would numb the pain of the inevitable. Instead, it made everything hurt even more.

As John dropped to the table, Gary had so desperately wanted him to lift his head back up and laugh, like it was all a stupid joke. When he didn’t, he started sobbing as Ray gaped in horror at John’s actions. The house and everything in it that John had left him was not what Gary wanted. He just wanted John back, for this stupid magic to reverse itself and bring back the man he loved.

“John…” he sniffled, reaching his hand out to close over the other man’s.

Ray shook his head, his own eyes starting to become red. “He’s gone, Gary.”

“No,” Gary shook his head, feeling so much like the little boy who had cried himself to sleep for weeks after he found out his mom was gone forever. “Ray, he can’t be.”

He took John’s hand in his own and got on his knees. The limb was already starting to feel chilly, or was that his mind overreacting?

“Come back to me,” he pleaded. “Please, please, come back to me, John.”

“Gary, let him go,” Ray extracted John’s hand from his. “It hurts more when you hold on. Trust me on that.”

Gary got back on his feet. “What do we do now?”

The next few moments blurred together when he looked back on them in the future, but he was pretty sure Ray had been talking. Then John miraculously sat up with a gasp, scaring the hell of them. Astra had reconsidered and given him more time, taking the cancer away from his body. He looked so happy, hugging Ray, running around the room with the cane he’d relied on earlier, and then…his hands were on Gary’s shoulders. He had kissed him soundly before wondering why he’d been about to leave his house to Gary.

Gary didn’t mind the sting of it. John was back. He had come back to him and that was all that mattered.

Ray went to go and out away the leftovers a little later. It had just been him and John together in the dining room. Neither of them said a word to each other for a minute, the silence filled by the opening and closing of cabinet doors from the kitchen. Then John had reached out and taken Gary’s hand, interlacing his fingers with Gary’s. Gary remembered holding that same hand minutes ago and how cold it had felt when its warmth now bled into his own palm.

“I felt it down there,” was all John said. “I know it was yours.”

Gary rubbed under his glasses with his free hand, wiping away the tears that threatened to spill over again. “I really hated that this happened.”

“I’m back now, Gary,” John squeezed his hand. “I’m not going out again. You don’t have to cry over me anymore.”

He nodded, wishing he had a tissue nearby. “Okay, I’ve been crying so much today and now I’m exhausted after everything.”

“Then let’s go to bed.”

Gary felt guilty about letting Ray clean up the mess, but the scientist called that they could go since he’d made most of the dinner. John lead him up the stairs to the bedroom. The two of them just laid with each other, hands still connected. Gary shuffled over so he could hear the steady beat of John’s heart. Each thump was a reassurance that John was still there. That he was still alive after everything they had both gone through that day.

Gary didn’t know that John had his finger on his pulse and was using it as an anchor for his turbulent mind. A reminder for him that he had survived this latest ordeal and he wasn’t truly dead. Hell was not that through.

* * *

5.

John trusted the girls to leave his house in shambles when he agreed to let them use it as a front for the sorority. He could have stuck around, but Nate was already on the hunt for the chalice. Mick had dipped out to go accompany his daughter on a college tour. There wasn’t much else to go. Thankfully, he already had a prior engagement.

Once he reached the building Gary told him he’d be waiting by, he could see him sitting on a bench, staring off into space. “I’m not late, am I?”

The question caught Gary by surprise as he startled and looked towards John. “You came?”

“You really thought I was going to stand you up?” John teased.

“I mean, I let a hellhound onto the ship and it nearly got you and Ava and Mick killed.”

John waved it away. “They survived it, it’s back in Hell, no one got their throat ripped out. Now, what were you thinking for tonight?”

“Well, all the bars are crowded this weekend from what I’ve seen,” Gary told him. “But I was looking on TripAdvisor and there’s this Malaysian place off campus that gets really good reviews. If you don’t want that, there’s a bunch of other places we can go to instead.”

“Honestly, I’m happy wherever you want to go.”

They ended up taking their time, walking through the campus and past students who were coming out of late classes or running to the library. John had never been to college and had been fine without it. But it was nice to hear Gary recall some happier stories about his time in undergrad on their way. He hadn’t gone to Hudson, but he had visited it when deciding on where he wanted to go to school.

The Malaysian place wasn’t crowded, but there were enough people inside to convince them it was a decent place for food. They spent so long inside at their table, talking just like they had after Heyworld. John knew as soon as the ladies had the chalice, this moment would be over, and they’d have to get back to bringing back Behrad and Natalie. But right now, he could just relax in the booth with Gary across from him, munching on hawker rolls and laksa, and ever so briefly imagine a life without worries about looms or Fates.

There was still no word from the Legends when they finally paid and left the restaurant. So they walked down the streets some more before coming back to the campus. Gary had picked up a pamphlet from somewhere that mentioned things to do on the campus, one of which was stargazing. There was a hill that was supposedly good for looking up at the night sky and picking out constellations.

It wasn’t so easy navigating the campus in the night, but they made it to the hill in the end. Lying down in the damp grass side by side, John stared up at the night sky with Gary. A cool breeze ran over the both of them, making John thankful he had his coat. Thankfully, the clouds were sparse that night and the stars could be seen even with the lights of the lamps at the base of the hill.

They searched for constellations in the sky, pointing out the ones they could see. Gary knew most of the names, but none of the stories. John was happy to share them all with him as Gary’s hand reached over and took his. He interlaced their fingers, just like John had done ages ago. Everything felt perfect, but perfect couldn’t last forever. It never did with him. Sooner or later, it would crumble away. But right now, John could bottle this moment in his mind and look back at it to remember a time of happiness.

Even if he wanted more, right now was more than enough of what he deserved.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope that was a really great, fluffy read (mostly fluffy, at least). And happy birthday again!


End file.
